~

My current life is hectic.

But then, I shouldn't be complaining.
Sedang usaha tutup mulut dan berhenti dari mengeluh.

Remember when I wrote about everyday teaching, everynight study group and weekend programs + usrahS..

Hmm, it goes on untill today.
(study group last minggu ni)

Suffocating? Yes.
Doing well? Not really.

Tarik nafas dalam2.
Hembus perlahan.

________________________________________________

Ini post sy minggu lepas.
Publish, simpan jd draft, skrng publish balik.

[*faint*

I really need a break..
T-T

In the end, i can't even do anything right.]

Sebenarnya malam tu sy manangis sampai tk bleh tido.. sebab hidung tersumbat, bila menangis. Jadi susah nak bernafas. Macam orthopnea, kena letak bantal banyak2 kat belakang baru senang nafas. Haha.

All kind of feelings are in me.
Traumatic cause I really2 don't want to fail again.
But, i haven't revised any of the study group notes yet, except for the one which i need to present.
Exhausted for the non-stop ongoing things.
Unfocussed because I can't prioritize which one should be done first, then which are second.. Should I put myself first, or others first.

Penat dgn program @ aktiviti yg clash2.
Kadang2 satu masa, ada 3 benda skali gus n kena pilih.
Contoh semalam, ada usrah, kena jaga ai.com, ada study group.
Atau kena selesaikan hal dompet hilang, ada program A, dan ada program B.
Atau ada learning issue teaching, ada study group dan ada usrah.

Hmm..

Kak R send me a message on tafsir surah At-Taubah:20.
It goes like this;
"[19]Apakah orang yang memberi minuman kpd org yg mengerjakan haji dan mengurus MasjidilHaram, kamu samakan dengan orang yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari kemudian serta berjihad di jalan Allah?
Mereka tidak sama di sisi Allah. Allah tidak memberikan petunjuk kepada org2 yg zalim.
[20] Orang2 yang beriman dan berjihad di jalan Allah, dengan harta dan jiwa mereka, adalah lebih tinggi darjatnya di sisi Allah. Mereka itulah org yang memperolehi kemenangan"

Which make me teary, again..
She counted on me, but I really am not capable neither ready to hold the position.

The only solution is i need to manage my time better.
It needs to be balance
And I need to put on more hard work.
Which at the moment, I really am struggling to do.

Could you do me some favour?
Pray I'll be strong and tough and good.
And hardworking and focus and determined.
Jazakillah :')

Sorry to my study group mates for always being late in distributing notes.
My usrahmates, usrahchild(ade ke term ni?) for sometimes late or can't join you.
My supervisors for always can't perform my best although you already teach everything in details.
My beloved seniors for my busy-ness lead to in-organize life lead to un-ready-ness =(.

I really do feel very inferior right now.

And I should be worried of how Allah see me,
for not trying my best being His excellent hamba & lover.

Have i been optimizing my time, my young age, enough?
click "Keajaiban Masa Muda"

Bak kata Hassan Al Banna, kewajipan yang kita ada, lebih banyak dari masa yang kita miliki. So true. Sila sedar, Nadiah.
_________________________________________________

Hmm..
habis cerita sedih.

Tgk gamba2 mereka, buat sy tiba2 rasa sejuk hati.











Rindu =)

Atas skali tu mama + papa sy.

They are my inspiration, love and life.

At a time, i have the wrong impression; because of them, I previously thought medicine is not that tough.
They prove that being busy doctors, does not mean they don't have time to be amazing parents.
They prove that being busy doctors, does not mean that tarbiyah has to stop..
and even from different jamaah, there is no big issues or differences.

We live a simple life.
But that's already a high set point for me to achieve.
I want to be at least as good as them..

This little daughter really NEED to be TOUGHer.
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03 03 1924

Tarikh yang perlu kita semua ingat..

Tarikh khilafah Islamiyah dihancurkan pada tangan Mustafa Kamal Attartuk.

Ila mata? Ila mata?