Sunday, March 21, 2010

insomniac - dark

I watched the Curious Case of Benjamin Button on Astro 411.
After watching it, i get up to get some ice cream in the freezer.
I have backache.. that currently seem to radiate to thigh.
(sy dh makan ubat =))
So i struggle to stand up like an old lady..
Mcm makcik tua2 yg sakit sendi2,
Bangun sambil sebelah tgn kat belakang.. camtu

Then i have a delusion that i'm an old lady trapped in a young body..
For about ten minutes or so, i really believe that i'm much more older than i am..

And 21 doesn't sound young at all.
Not at all.

I see people of my age around.
Soon enough,
from our own blood,
There'll be new life..
innocent arrival of a soul,
will they grow up, just to be like us?

I have felt so many..
I have seen a lot..
I've experience much..
loved, hated
found, left
adored, ignored
wait, being waited
lies, secret.

And this particular dialogue is wandering like a lost bird,
flying inside my mind for a time..

"sy rasa nak mati..
lpas tu, awk rase awk masuk mane?
sy tak tau..
masuk kubur..
*and tears flow down my cheek,
as i feel like i can't do anything to ease the burden*
Deep silent.

Is that life?
Is life that cruel that it punish a person till it feel like wanting to die.
Wasn't it supposed to be IN our hand?
Wasn't it supposed to be our choice?
Wasn't it a place to get prepared..

'Ya Allah! Letakkan dunia ini di tanganku, bukan di hatiku’
doa Rasulullah s.a.w

I have flaws and ugly scars.
And i believe, everybody have them too.
Shown or hidden.
We are never alone.
There are so many people, who live worser life than we do.

fasbir sobron jamiila
be beautifully patient
and to be patient is beautiful, dear

No matter how distant, the bright seem to be,
just DON'T give up yet.
Be strong, cause there'll be more souls
who need our strength and love.
If we didn't have some, how are we going to give to anybody.

Again, i too have flaws and scars.
I have fear.
A fear that i can hide, but my dreams can't.

Nevertheless.. we can choose to stand and fight.

Haven't i say, i love you?

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