battle

I don't really know how to begin this entry with.
I've written a poem, but, i think it just too melancholic, distressing and shouldn't be put in this post.

I am now arriving to the end of 3rd week of Neuroscience module.
And yes, all the rumors of how complex it is to understand and remember all the things, are TRUE.
To make it simple, Neuroscience is about human internal wiring, the nerves pathway, together with it's main controller, the brain and it's accessories.
Honestly, Neuroscience is VERY3 interesting! I am soo much in love with this subject.

The only thing I hate, is myself, because I've been spending the last few days or maybe weeks not studying more than a page of anatomy @ physiology at all. Lecture notes are piling and piling. I'm not behaving as a good girl. Because, good girl, study (suka2 hati reka peribahasa). I'm not in the mood. Lost my semangat somewhere, i don't know how to find it back.

There are few personal emotional issues recently, that had been bothering. Am trying really hard to deal with it.
I need to constantly distract myself.. or I end up being involuntarily dull and sad of myself since the moment I wake up till the day end.
As soon as I overpass the treshold, then everything will be fine again, InsyaAllah.
Don't think too much, don't think too much, don't think too much.
It's a psychological trick, maybe. Keep pretending to be ok until you finally trick yourself and forget you're pretending.

But then, I have a tendency to sleep a lot when I'm stressful. It's again, maybe due to years of practising, that whenever I have lots of problem, I sleep. Then when I wake up, I'll forget and can live normally again. Therefore, this week, I sleep a lot in lecture halls too. huhu.

Hmm.. Adulthood teach me to keep a lot of feelings inside. Children maybe shows a lot of emotions. But proper adult, i think, are the one who have good cooperation with emotions.

Yang sakit, tahankan, biar berparut.
Yang pahit, telankan, biar jadi ubat.
Itu semua guru, mengajar subjek 'pengalaman'.
Itu semua peringatan, sayap kekuatan.

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Battle.

This evening, when I was wandering around from blogs to blogs (in an effort to distract myself), I found this.. not the primrose path
For those who feel as helpless as me right now,
then I suppose, do click, and read from the beginning.

We should all learn to appreciate TIME better.
Our healthy time, before we became sick.
Our relax time, before it get contracted.. (huhu, mase get confused with muscle)

I want to be grateful.
I want to always remember to be grateful.
I want to, not to forget to be grateful.

I also want to battle.. against my own 'tumor'..
I hate to be as weak as me right now.